Relationship Problems and how to solve them - Ebysblog.com

Relationship Problems and how to solve them

Relationship Problems: Communication

All relationship problems begins with poor communication. Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. says; “You can’t communicate while you’re checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section,”.

Problem-solving strategies include:

  • Make an actual appointment with each other, Shimberg says. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
  • If you can’t “communicate” without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you’d be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
  • Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as “You always …” or “You never ….”
  • Use body language to show you’re listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you’re getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, “What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we’re both working.” If you’re right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, “Hey, you’re a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you,” he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.
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Relationship Problems: Money

Money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) recommends that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.

Problem-solving strategies include:

  • Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.
  • Don’t approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.
  • Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other’s tendencies.
  • Don’t hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
  • Don’t blame.
  • Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
  • Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
  • Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
  • Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It’s OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
  • Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.
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Relationship Problem: Not Making Your Relationship a Priority

If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point should not end when you say “I do.” “Relationships lose their luster. So make yours a priority,” says Karen Sherman, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last.

Problem-solving strategies include:

  • Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
  • Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
  • Respect one another. Say “thank you,” and “I appreciate…” It lets your partner know that they matter.
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